Who Is She?
by hannahncakes
Summary: The Doctor and Rory contemplait who River Song may be. Jokey little one-shot exploring some of the many theories floating about regarding River's identity.


Who Is She?

**Disclaimer:** I own none of the characters and none of the theories. I am just using them for entertainment purposes.

_Author's note: Okay, this is just something that popped into my head seeing as how we're all obsessing over who River is, I figured that maybe The Doctor thinks about it too. And this kinda happened. It's set theoretically between The Almost People and A Good Man Goes To War. If you don't want to hear any of the theories (spoilers, sweetie) that have been floating about in cyber space then please don't read. I can't say whether any of them are true or not it's just what I've heard. Oh and please don't take this too seriously, tis but a bit of fun. Enjoy…_

Well this was just awkward. After having just dissolved someone's wife, revealed that said wife was in fact captured somewhere unknown and going into labour once the initial shouting and formation of a plan was completed there seemed to be little left to say. And, for some reason, it seemed to be taking the TARDIS an exceedingly long time to get to her destination today. The Doctor just couldn't take the tension any more.

"So any more ideas on who River is?" The Doctor asked with an attempt at his usual cheerful voice. Rory looked at him with a _really? We're talking about this now?_ expression on his face but he quickly decided that talking about it might take his mind off the horrible situation he was in.

"I'm still going with the whole 'she's your wife' theory." Rory nodded.

"But, I mean she's not my wife from Gallifrey. I have no recollection of her _ever_ calling me sweetie and she…" He trailed off. Everyone died, he had to keep reminding himself of that fact. There was no way his wife could be here. "And if it's just that she's my wife from my future well, why the big secret? I don't think that would change everything, not in the way she's been hinting at anyway."

"True." Rory admitted grudgingly, he hated it when his theories were disproved. "Maybe she's one of your companions from before but with a different face?"

"A different face? Really, Rory?" The Doctor asked patronisingly. "Only time lords can regenerate and they're all…" He felt that familiar lump in his throat again.

"Dead?" Rory ventured.

"Yeah." The Time lord whispered.

"Sorry." Rory added quickly.

"Not your fault." The Doctor continued, clearing his throat. "But anyway even if it were possible for it to be someone I know there's nobody I've ever known like River." He thought back over all the people he'd known over the years. She was definitely unique. "The closest would probably be Jack but even then… No. He's immortal and in Cardiff and…" _He definitely doesn't kiss like that,_ he added to himself comparing the lingering kiss River had given him to when Jack had kissed his previous self.

"So we're ruling out everyone you've travelled with before?" Rory questioned and the Doctor nodded quickly. "What about… Hey, what if she's your mum?" Rory laughed.

"I think we can rule out that possibility." The Doctor replied sharply, his mind still lingering on that kiss and not wanting it to be spoiled by thoughts of his mother.

"Or maybe your daughter?" Rory laughed harder at the look of annoyance that crossed the time lord's face.

"She is completely, in no way my daughter. Or sister or cousin or anything else that is in any way related to me." He snapped.

"Is there something you're not telling me?" Rory enquired seeing how testy the Doctor was getting. "Or is it just because you fancy her?"

"Do shut up Pond." The Doctor snapped again, turning a deeper shade of red. "Maybe she's _your_ daughter." He quipped and that quickly wiped the smirk off Rory's face.

"No way!" He muttered quickly. Sure he'd never been that close to River but she was very attractive and he was a man and it was impossible not to let your mind wander occasionally to things… things that you wouldn't want to think about your own daughter. "She's from the fifty first century. And her timeline's all backwards, our kid will have a normal forward-going timeline. And anyway her name's Song. Not Williams… Or Pond." He added after a quick look from the Doctor. "Maybe she's, like, you? But a future you. You can change gender right?"

"I can." The Doctor thought about this for a second. "But I'm pretty sure that spending this much time in my own company would seriously mess up my time line. And possibly cause the universe to implode." _And then there's the kiss again_ he thought to himself. As great as he was he had no desire to kiss himself like that, or in any way really.

"It would be pretty cool if she was though." Rory smiled.

"That's true… Maybe we'll never know." He sighed. "She's a good guy though, don't you think?" The Doctor asked nervously.

"I think so… But then… I mean, who did she kill?" Rory asked in an equally nervous voice.

"The best man she's ever known." The Doctor repeated gravely.

"Well she must have known many better men than me, I'm not that great." Rory babbled quickly.

"And I'm not even a man. Not really. Time Lord, remember?" He added equally quickly.

The two men looked at each other uncomfortably and lapsed back into an uneasy silence, heads even fuller than they had been before.

**Please review & let's gossip about who River may be! :D**


End file.
